A bad day comes and goes. But when one bad week bleeds into another, at some point it starts to feel like your whole life is stuck in “rough.”

At first, you keep waiting for things to level out. But after a while, you realize: This isn’t getting better. This is just rough.

I’ve always had a high pain tolerance. Sometimes I’ll push through my days without even noticing the weight I’m carrying—until suddenly, it’s all I notice. I outrun the pain for a while… until it finally catches me.

Last week, it caught me.

I thought I was fine because I’d have little bright spots here and there, fooling myself into thinking I was okay. But it hit me: I’ve been in pain for a while now.

The kind of pain

Not physical pain—the kind that makes you question your choices, second-guess your worth, and wonder what’s wrong with you.

For me, it’s work. Every day feels excruciating because this job doesn’t fit me. Others seem to manage—even though they see the same dysfunction and disorganization, they somehow hang in there. Meanwhile, I’m drowning.

So I ask myself: Am I a quitter? Am I weak? What’s wrong with me that I can’t handle this?

I used to tell my kids: figuring out what you don’t want to do is just as important as figuring out what you do want to do. Well, I can say with absolute certainty—this is not what I want to do.

The catch

Leaving is scary. My life has had so much change that the thought of change again has me feeling very…discombobulated. This job pays well. It has benefits, good hours, and coworkers I genuinely like. On paper, it makes sense. But in my gut, it doesn’t and it’s affecting my mental health.

And looking for something new? Brutal. Every unanswered application feels like rejection. Every “must have degree” job listing whispers, you’re not good enough. Even showing up in person gets you a polite, “Apply online.” Dead end.

There’s comfort in “the having” that tempts me to stay, because “the getting” feels terrifying.

The voices in my head

If I were advising a friend, I’d say:

• “You’re too old to not be happy.”
• “What you don’t change, you choose.”
• “You’d be a treasure to any team lucky enough to have you.”
• “You’re smart, teachable, resourceful, and resilient.”

But to myself? I say things like:

• “Don’t be a baby.”
• “You’re a loser.”
• “Just keep going—maybe it’ll get better.”

Do you see the contradiction? I do my affirmations every morning, but some days I wonder if they’re even working.

No bow on this story (yet)

I wish I could tie this up neatly with an epiphany or happy ending. But right now? It’s just a lot of self-doubt, dread, and discomfort with more change.

So, what do I do? Well, let me confirm what I know. I know taking action, even if it’s small, reduces anxiety. So, this week, I asked ChatGPT for help and ended up with 100 questions to sort through my skills, strengths, and interests. The first half were core basics. The second half drilled deeper, helping me see what types of roles might actually fit me.

I know that small steps every day will get me closer to where I want to be than watching TV, scrolling or otherwise avoiding. So the next thing I’m doing is working on resumes that are tailored specifically to the job markets that were suggested according to my skills and talents.

That’s a start.

Next, I’ll work on strategies for finding and applying to the jobs that best fit my skill set.

Until then… to be continued.

If you’ve ever stayed too long in a job that didn’t fit you, I’d love to hear how you finally made the leap.

UPDATE: Since this post, I no longer work at this job. I’ve been building this site and working on my public speaking career. I’m living the dream and I couldn’t be happier.